Today, to celebrate hump day, we're going to talk about...
Poop.
Yup. We're talking about poop. Stool. Shit. Crap. Caca. Doodie. (or if you want to be a fancy pants, call it "bowel movement").
Looking at your poop is a fantastic way to measure how healthy your diet has been—the more whole and the less processed foods you're eating, the healthier it looks.
So here's a chart that shows it pretty clearly, and my own take on it below:
Image ©Precision Nutrition
Type 1
0 wipes here. You've officially opened a marble factory and cracked the toilet bowl—congrats! Get some Preparation-H ready.
This means you're dehydrated (or your only hydration is Johnnie Walker), and haven't been eating enough fruits and veggies; you've been living on chips and crackers and the occasional cheese tray. And, you might be reborn as a goat in your next life. Baaaah.
Type 2
1–3 wipes, possibly a bloody mess too—this lumpy loaf is going to cut your butt hole up.
You love your protein bars, don't ya? This might be a good time to limit them to 3/4 per week and focus on less processed protein sources, sufficient hydration and some more fiber in your day.
Type 3
4–5 wipes. Looks like you've made some improvements in your diet—way to go, pal! You're well on your way to great things.
Type 4
6–7 wipes . You'll be sitting here for a while. But hey, your poop is an image of perfection, super healthy person! Congratulations, you just pinched the perfect loaf! Keep doing what you're doing!
Type 5
8–9 wipes, and a courtesy flush please. Skid marks very possible.
You might wanna slow down with the deep fried, greasy foods, and take a break from all that coffee, baby.
Type 6
10+ wipes. Eeew, you got some on your hand! Oh, man, what died in your stomach?
Did you go on the McDonald's "detox"? Overloading on the sweet stuff? Lactose intolerant, perhaps? Maybe you need to look into some probiotics. Go get yourself a plain baked potato and stay away from the spicy stuff for a while.
Type 7
Full roll of toilet paper, emergency sirens going off , and you may have passed out too. This shit definitely hit the fan. Dude, seriously—have some rice porridge if you're able to down anything at all, and go see your doctor, ASAP! You are not well.
What does YOUR poop look like?